the quote

Today I had a moving company over for a quote.  My house was a total mess.  I blamed it on getting ready to move and sorting through stuff.  That's totally not true.  It's a disaster in here, and would be if I were packing or not.  While in Katelyn's room, I said I have a 2 1/2 year old (who was at Aunt MK's house at the time) who likes to throw her clothes everywhere...that's why they were all out all over her room rather than in her drawers.  We then walked into Andrews room.  He said "oh, you have a son"?  I said yes and moved on. 

Here's proof that Katelyn likes to make a mess...

Here's proof that Katelyn likes to do her own hair...

moving

We're getting ready to move...in 2 weeks.  It's a long story.  We started this moving adventure in June, right before Andrew passed away.  We focused on selling our place.  Now we've sold it, lost out on five contracts and are getting ready to throw our stuff in storage and head to the parents house while we continue to house hunt.  The other day I texted my husband the simple statement "I need xanax".

We started packing today and I feel so anxious about having to pack up Andrews room.  We keep his door closed, but every night when I go to bed I check on Katelyn and then look in Andrews room.  Sometimes I sit in the rocker in his room holding his teddy bear and think about what should be.  I feel like when we move I'll be loosing that special place in our house that is just for him.  I don't want to have to pack up his stuff, I'm not ready.  I wonder if it would be wierd to unpack it at our new place...where and whenever that may be.

the story - part 1

I know on these blogs many people write thier stories.  What happened and when.  It's something I've actually been writing in a word document...it goes back to my fear of forgetting any details.

I've gotten a few e-mails asking what happened to Andrew so I wanted to share briefly what happened.  As I've mentioned a few times, I found comfort in reading others stories, but in particular stories like mine.  I wanted to learn about how others dealth with the same news I got.

Andrew died of Group B Strep Sepsis.  I wanted to know what happened, but no news comes without a mix of emotions.  The most difficult part of this news was knowing that Andrew was healthy.  He was healthy, growing at pace, and very active.  I remember sitting at work one day, pregnant, and shooting Adam an e-mail asking if it was too early to say that our son is hyper active.  The Dr's estimate is that Andrew got GBS about 7 days earlier, but once it turned into sepsis, he faded off within 24 hours. 

I'm no expert on Group B Strep, but it's pretty safe to say that I've read more about GBS than the average person (my husband would beg me to stop reading about it).  So, if you have any questions, shoot me an e-mail.  msm2jmu@yahoo.com

holy moly!

What is with this blog world?  I started reading blogs after Andrew, when I would do anything to connect with mothers who understood.  I started following a few, especially ones who lost thier babies right around when I did.  As I've started clicking from link to link, I am amazed at this world known as blogging.  It's unreal!  Some of them even talk about thier IRL friends not knowing about thier blog.  It took me some time, but realized that IRL mean "in real life".  This is quite an adventure...and a great way to procrastinate.  Seriously, I need to go get some other stuff done...

Here's a picture taken almost exactly a year ago.  This is Katelyn wandering down Adams parents driveway in Vermont.

as much as i do?

I got home last night and read this message that my oldest sister, Ann, wrote on my facebook wall.  "Ryan walked into my room scratching his head and said 'Mommy, I have a really important question. Do you think Katelyn misses Andrew as much as I do?'"

Ryan, 4 years old, is one of Andrews 10 cousins.  Ryan is the same one who, after finding out about Andrew, walked into my sisters room with a calender and asked if she could tell him when everyone will die so he'll know.  I'm always curious what they think of this experience, and how it might or might not affect them when they're older...and how this might affect Katelyn.  I just don't know.  If any of you out there have older children, or are a sibling, and experience on what their thoughts might be down the road, can you please let me know?