Tuesday, April 20, 2010

GBS negative

I learned last week that I am currently Group B Strep negative.  I will continue the antiobotic once a day until delievery.  I will also be checked for GBS at every appointment. It’s weird, one would think that this would be cause for celebration. Of course I’m relieved, there’s no doubt about that. But I’m frustrated with myself, because I still feel just as scared that something is going to happen as I did the day before I found out I am GBS negative. I am aware of every move this little one makes, and every time he doesn’t move. I wake up in the middle of the night freaking out because I haven’t felt him move in a couple of hours. Of course I haven’t, I’ve been sleeping. I am just so scared of that moment, that moment I realized Andrew wasn’t moving. I am this child’s mothers, I am the one carrying him, he is 100% reliant on me. I need to be aware if something starts to go wrong. It’s exhausting.

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