the hug

Last night I was laying with Katelyn, who was sound asleep.  I love watching her sleep.  Many times I hold her hand, kiss her cheek, and just watch her sleep.  One time recently she rolled over, gave me a "what the heck are you doing waking me up" look, handed me a good slap across the face, and rolled back over to sleep.  I can't blame her, I hate being woken up. 

But last time, while she was sound asleep, she rolled over, put her forehead against mine, threw her arm over me in a hug, and smiled.  She then rolled back over.  It was the first time I wondered if it was a hug from Andrew.  Maybe he was using Katelyn in some way to give me that much needed hug.

chicken drawing

Two steps forward, one step back.  That seems to be me these days.  The Holidays are more upsetting than I expected.  Thanksgiving didn't have the usual feeling...the cozy, warmth in the heart, everything is good kind of feeling.  It just wasn't there for me this year.  And what to be thankful for?  Well, 2009 has not been our year for many reasons.  I'd say I'm most thankful that it's almost a new year. 

We went to St Marks and left Katelyn's Turkey-hand drawing.  A couple days later it was really windy and I was commenting about things blowing around.  She said "uh oh, my chicken drawing blow away!"  She can always put a smile on my face. 

It didn't blow away.  I brought it back home with us just the other day.

included in the Holidays

I would love to hear ways that other mothers are including thier "Heavenly Babies" in the Holidays.  I want to do something to include Andrew.  I have some ideas, but haven't planned anything out.  Thoughts?  Suggestions?  Things you already do?  Please help me with some ideas.

Thanks, Kerry  msm2jmu@aol.com

beautiful CD

I bought a new CD recently, something I rarely do.  It's a Christian CD, again something I rarely do.  But it's beautiful. 

"Beauty will Rise" by Steven Curtis Chapman.  "This entire album is written in response to losing his daughter in that tragic accident on May 21st 2008."  Steven lost his young daughter and he wrote these songs during his journey of grief.

Here are some lyrics to one of the songs "Heaven is the Face"

Heaven is the face of a little girl

With dark brown eyes

That disappear when she smiles

Heaven is the place

Where she calls my name

Says, “daddy please come play with me for awhile”

It's not my usual type of music, but I love these songs.  If you listen to any of them, I would recommend having some tissues nearby.

the day i met my son

I love this picture.  I love that I am smiling in awe of the beauty of my son.  It helps me remember that through all of the heartache, July 2, 2009 is also the day I met my son.  The day that I held him, kissed him, rocked him, and was simply with him.