Tuesday, October 6, 2009

confused

Katelyn is confused. Three weeks after I delivered Andrew her baby cousin, Patrick, was born. I brought her to Fairfax hospital to meet Mike and Emily’s new addition, at which point Katelyn asked me, “my baby brother?” I had to stand there and tell her “no Katelyn, Patrick is your cousin; your baby brother is in heaven.” What does heaven mean to a 2 year old? Who knows!! All I know is she is confused. I ask her all the time who Andrew is and I never get the answer I want. Maybe that’s because I don’t know what I want to hear. Maybe, “Andrew is my little brother who is here, alive and well, and this is all one nasty joke mommy.” Well, she’s doesn’t say that. What she says now is “Andrew is Patrick”. When she looks at the pictures of Andrew (which I actually try to keep out of her reach but somehow she gets too and looks through) she tells me that they are of Patrick.

I wish I was as confused as her. It must be better than knowing what’s really going on.

3 comments:

  1. Kerry - You are so very strong sharing Andrew's story with everyone. It has to be very confusing for all of you, especially Katelyn, trying to understand why he is not with you. You and your family are constantly in my thoughts, especially when I see little Patrick. I can't wait to give you a hug at Patrick's Baptism!! All my love, Kathy

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  2. Kara Gingerelli BonkoskiOctober 6, 2009 at 4:40 PM

    Kerry - Your strength is so amazing and admirable. I just know that you are going to be able to help someone else through this same situation with your bravery. I only wish I could do something to help you ease your pain and the pain Adam and Katelyn also share. You are blessed with such love and such passion and I am so proud to know you. Best wishes, Kara Bonkoski

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  3. Kerry,
    I can't imagine how much pain you are in. Thank you for being brave enough to share your experience with others. I am sure that others will find comfort in knowing that there is someone out there who shares what they are going through.

    Lisa Gleeson

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