This pregancy is very different than my first two. I am scared, nervous, and very cautiously excited. I go back and forth about growing attached to the baby.
Sometimes I think I don't want to find out the sex. I try not to get excited. I don't want to grow attached, risk going through the same level of heartache.
Other times I want to get attached as possible. I think about getting a 3d sonogram and recording it. I would love to have that of Andrew. I know Andrew was alive and well. I felt him all of the time. I would love to have that sonogram video so that others can see him alive as well.
All I do know is that pregnancy feel very different that the other two.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Saturday, January 9, 2010
NEWS
Heres some news for you. I'm pregnant! Holy moly, I'm one nutcase these days. Even crazier than me being pregnant is my due date...July 2...the same day I delievered Andrew. My mom says thats a sign from Andrew. I know he's okay with it, he wants us to be happy.
I'm almost 4 months and just now allowing myself to get excited. I've had my first Group B Strep test, which came back negative. They will continue to test me weekly. I told them that I didn't need to know the whole plan...I just need to know whatever I need to know to get to my next appointment. If I try to think about it all at once, I get scared and anxious.
I told Adam if he thinks I was crazy with the first two pregnancy, he needs to get ready, who knows what I'll be like this time around.
I'm almost 4 months and just now allowing myself to get excited. I've had my first Group B Strep test, which came back negative. They will continue to test me weekly. I told them that I didn't need to know the whole plan...I just need to know whatever I need to know to get to my next appointment. If I try to think about it all at once, I get scared and anxious.
I told Adam if he thinks I was crazy with the first two pregnancy, he needs to get ready, who knows what I'll be like this time around.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Merry Christmas
I didn't do a Christmas card this year. I wasn't feeling it. I didn't think I should send a card just because I thought I should. I'm not ready to send out a picture of just the 3 of us, or just Katelyn. I wasn't sure how I wanted to sign the card. I didn't know what to write. So, I decided to not worry about it and just not do it.
I was also thinking about what a Christmas letter would read like from us.
Hello Friends,
2009, what a year. We hope yours was better than ours. Adam last his job. We sold our house. We put offers on 7 different homes and didn't get any of them. We closed on our house, packed up, threw everything in storage and moved into my parents house. We stopped looking for a home for the winter because I'm emotionally drained. My company, where I've worked for almost 6 years got sold in November. I went from a comfy small company of 17 to a large international company who's services I don't understand. My job duties are getting transfered to Florida (I did our accounting and now we have an accounting department in Miami). Oh, and we're trying to potty train.
All this while dealing with the loss of Andrew. The most difficult, depressing, emotional experience we have ever faced.
The good news? The Dr put me on zoloft.
Happy New Year!
Love, The Ledermans
I was also thinking about what a Christmas letter would read like from us.
Hello Friends,
2009, what a year. We hope yours was better than ours. Adam last his job. We sold our house. We put offers on 7 different homes and didn't get any of them. We closed on our house, packed up, threw everything in storage and moved into my parents house. We stopped looking for a home for the winter because I'm emotionally drained. My company, where I've worked for almost 6 years got sold in November. I went from a comfy small company of 17 to a large international company who's services I don't understand. My job duties are getting transfered to Florida (I did our accounting and now we have an accounting department in Miami). Oh, and we're trying to potty train.
All this while dealing with the loss of Andrew. The most difficult, depressing, emotional experience we have ever faced.
The good news? The Dr put me on zoloft.
Happy New Year!
Love, The Ledermans
quality family fun time
We did it, we finally planned a trip to Disneyworld. Other than our honeymoon, Adam and I have never gone on a real vacation other than visiting my parents beach house or his parents house in Vermont. I've wanted to go somewhere - somewhere fun, different, and exciting, somewhere on an airplane - for a very long time.
After we lost Andrew I decided that we just need to do it. There's more to life than work, chores, errands, and visits to the neighborhood park. I feel like this trip is in honor of Andrew. He got us to really do it. Drop everything and head out for some quality family fun time. We booked our flights last night and will be heading to Orlando February 7 for a week. And I'm not worried about leaving Andrew behind...I know he'll be with us.
After we lost Andrew I decided that we just need to do it. There's more to life than work, chores, errands, and visits to the neighborhood park. I feel like this trip is in honor of Andrew. He got us to really do it. Drop everything and head out for some quality family fun time. We booked our flights last night and will be heading to Orlando February 7 for a week. And I'm not worried about leaving Andrew behind...I know he'll be with us.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Sean
I am one of 5 kids. My oldest sister, Ann, has 4 children. Her oldest, Sean, has Angelman Syndrome, "a genetic disorder which causes severe developmental delay. The most striking symptoms are mental retardation, seizures, a severe speech disorder (in most cases, lack of speech), and gross and fine motor difficulties".
Sean is currently in the hospital with seizures. This certainly is not the first time he has been in for seizures, but it is after the longest period since the last visit. Sean went about a 1 1/2 years without an episode like he is experiencing right now. Please say some prayers for this little guy.
Sean is currently in the hospital with seizures. This certainly is not the first time he has been in for seizures, but it is after the longest period since the last visit. Sean went about a 1 1/2 years without an episode like he is experiencing right now. Please say some prayers for this little guy.
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