GBS negative

I learned last week that I am currently Group B Strep negative.  I will continue the antiobotic once a day until delievery.  I will also be checked for GBS at every appointment. It’s weird, one would think that this would be cause for celebration. Of course I’m relieved, there’s no doubt about that. But I’m frustrated with myself, because I still feel just as scared that something is going to happen as I did the day before I found out I am GBS negative. I am aware of every move this little one makes, and every time he doesn’t move. I wake up in the middle of the night freaking out because I haven’t felt him move in a couple of hours. Of course I haven’t, I’ve been sleeping. I am just so scared of that moment, that moment I realized Andrew wasn’t moving. I am this child’s mothers, I am the one carrying him, he is 100% reliant on me. I need to be aware if something starts to go wrong. It’s exhausting.

In Paradise

Laurin, Brandy, Kiley, you should listen to this...

Eddie from Ohio, Julie Murphy Wells

Lyrics: In Paradise, from Actually Not

I woke up this morning went to pick up the mail. a routine that I always do
probably find bills and catalogues, full of junk I'd never use
as I reached in the box, I felt a sensation
I didn't know what it could be
then I pulled out a card and looked at the postmark it said p.o. cloud 23

dear mommy and daddy, I asked god if he'd let me write a letter to you
he said he felt bad about all of the sad things he was permitted to do
so he took me to peter and he asked him to help me
'cause I was too young to write words
so I climbed on his lap and I leaned over to hear him
and this is what st. peter heard

don't you worry, don't you cry, don't waste the energy wondering why
the reasons are clear, safer here in paradise

each morning I wake up and the sun it shines brightly and me and the other kids play
we eat lots of pretzels and watch lots of barney and sing-along songs all the day
and at night before bedtime I go visit grandpa who reads me a story or two
then I gather my blanket and lay off to slumber and dream about daddy and you

don't you worry, don't you cry, don't waste the energy wondering why
the reasons are clear, safer here in paradise

I've got to get going st. peter is calling he's gotten a job for me
he says katy you make sure the stars are all lined up
and twinkling as bright as can be
so take comfort together that I'm doing fine
just lay your tears down to rest
my spirit is there and I'll always be with you
remembering two years the best

don't you worry, don't you cry, don't waste the energy wondering why
the reasons are clear, safer here in paradise

I have no idea how to insert a music file, but you can listen to it here...
http://www.amazon.com/Actually-Not-Eddie-Ohio/dp/B00000AE68

High five little guy!

No GBS in urine. Wow, never thought I’d be excited about such a statement concerning my urine.

I feel relieved. Although we don’t know if there is any GBS in my system, at least we know that the antibiotic is fighting it and my levels have gone down. I will finish this full round and then continue on 1 a day for the rest of the pregnancy. Because the body produces it, you can’t kill it off completely, but we’ll do what we can to keep it suppressed as much as possible. The plan was to get aggressive at 28 weeks. Tomorrow I’ll be 27 weeks, so we won’t let any time lapse. I’ll go in in about a week for a culture to test the levels of GBS in my system. Hopefully they will be down as well.

This little guy is an active one. Every time he gives me a big kick I smile, imagining it his way of giving me a high five (or kick in the a$$) to tell me to chill out, everything will be okay. Little guy, thanks for the smiles. I love you!

I wait.

I went to the Dr. yesterday so that they could run some test and see if the antibiotic I’m taking for the GBS is working. After 14 days on the previous one, my GBS levels ended up higher than before I started the meds. At this point, it’s estimated I carry more strep than 95% of the woman who actually carry GBS (of pregnancy woman, about 1/3 carry it).

So, I’m scared.

My results won’t come back until ‘maybe tomorrow’ but definitely by Thursday. I’m scared they are going to come back and tell me that this round didn’t work either. All of the pieces are there to cause the same outcome as last time. The difference this time around is that we are aware of it and trying to fight back with meds. I just need the meds to work. I couldn’t sleep, my nerves are going nuts, and it’s the end of the fiscal year at work.

Considering we were bought by a large publically traded company a few months ago and the numbers for the sale aren’t complete, this is the not best time for my “glass half empty” attitude. My mind is on the bigger picture in life. Not how to handle a customer credit that was issued after the sale of the company for revenue that was recognized before the sale.

So, I wait. I wait until I hear back with the results.

Mount St Mary's

A couple of weekends ago Adam, Katelyn, and I went to Mount Saint Mary's for a basketball game. My 3 older sisters went to The Mount, and I did for a 1 1/2 years before transfering to JMU. I still like visiting, I think it's a beautiful campus. We got there early and had time to walk The Grotto. Apparently, I had no memory of The Grotto. All I remembered was the Virgin Mary that you can see from a distance.

So, the three of us walked the path that leads to the actual Grotto. It's a very spiritual place, you can't help but feel religious when you're there.  They have candles you can light inside The Grotto. We lit a candle for Andrew. It was actually pretty moving.

We then went to the Basketball game where Katelyn told me "mommy, you like basketball, I like hockey like daddy".   Even though it wasn't hockey, I think she still had a good time.  I know I did.