Happy 3rd Birthday Katelyn!

Happy 3rd Birthday my sweet Katelyn!  We love you!

three years

Three years ago today I was in labor.  All day.  Katelyn wasn't born until after midnight, so her birthday is tomorrow, but I remember being in labor all day, the 28th.  It's amazing what having a child can do to you, becoming a parent.  I don't need to get into how thankful I am for Katelyn, and just how much I love her, I know that she knows. 

What I am thinking about on this birthday is how innocent I was, assuming that I made it that far, I would be going home with baby in hand.  I was Group B Strep positive with Katelyn.  When I went into labor the Dr gave me an IV antibiotic to prevent her from getting GBS during delivery.  That was that, I didn't think about it again.  

Goodness, was I naive!!! 

I had no idea just how dangerous and scary GBS can be.  I had no idea that it would take the life of my next child.   I had no idea.  I had no idea.

Have I lost my mind?

For Christmas Katelyn, Adam and I left a glass Christmas tree at Andrews niche.  Katelyn helped us decorate it with some ribbon and on Christmas eve we lit an led candle inside, leaving it with a soft glow.  On Christmas eve I took some pictures on my dads camera for my family.  When looking through the pictures, I was stuck on one.  I sent out an e-mail to my family, "does anyone else see a baby's face in the tree".  What do you think...under the green "Christmas" on the ribbon?   Have I lost my mind?  (when I took these pictures, Katelyn and Adam had already walked off.  There was no one around me)

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas my sweet Angel Andrew.  I'm sure you celebrating with Granddad Murphy and Granddad Becker and all of your little angel friends.  We love you.

the hug

Last night I was laying with Katelyn, who was sound asleep.  I love watching her sleep.  Many times I hold her hand, kiss her cheek, and just watch her sleep.  One time recently she rolled over, gave me a "what the heck are you doing waking me up" look, handed me a good slap across the face, and rolled back over to sleep.  I can't blame her, I hate being woken up. 

But last time, while she was sound asleep, she rolled over, put her forehead against mine, threw her arm over me in a hug, and smiled.  She then rolled back over.  It was the first time I wondered if it was a hug from Andrew.  Maybe he was using Katelyn in some way to give me that much needed hug.

chicken drawing

Two steps forward, one step back.  That seems to be me these days.  The Holidays are more upsetting than I expected.  Thanksgiving didn't have the usual feeling...the cozy, warmth in the heart, everything is good kind of feeling.  It just wasn't there for me this year.  And what to be thankful for?  Well, 2009 has not been our year for many reasons.  I'd say I'm most thankful that it's almost a new year. 

We went to St Marks and left Katelyn's Turkey-hand drawing.  A couple days later it was really windy and I was commenting about things blowing around.  She said "uh oh, my chicken drawing blow away!"  She can always put a smile on my face. 

It didn't blow away.  I brought it back home with us just the other day.