Wednesday, November 18, 2009

surface

Some days are just hard.  I love reading blogs of other mothers who understand.  Understand that there is no getting over such an experience.  I often wonder if others, who have not experienced this pain, wonder when I will be able to move on.  Stop dwelling on what happened and refocus.  I don't know when that time will come, but it sure hasn't come yet.   The other night as I layed in bed one small tear rolled down my cheek.  I didn't even know it was there, right on the surface.  I feel like that's my life these days.  At any minute I could let the tears flow.  They are so close to the surface.  But I try not to during the day.  I try to stay busy.  Until I go to bed.  That's when I lay and think about Andrew the most.  I think about Andrew and how how different my life should be these days.  I really really miss my little guy.

5 comments:

  1. I am so sorry for your loss. I work in an OB center and I understand how dangerous Group B strep is. Thank you for sharing your son with us!

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  2. its so hard.. I too have tears escape me, just out of no where it all begins to be too much again..praying and sending hugs!

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  3. I am so sorry for your loss. I know what you mean about those tears being near to the surface. It happens to me when I don't expect it. Your son is so precious.

    I would like to let you know that in honor of my Jenna Belle, I do Hope Collages for bereaved parents. I lost her May 18 of this year. It has been devastating and I sure haven't found the ability to refocus either. I would be honored to do a collage for your son, if you would like. Sending you lots of ((Hugs))

    www.hopecollage.org

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  4. Kerry,
    I just found your blog and wanted to tell you that I am so sorry about Andrew. My mom told me after you lost him and I was so sad to hear the news. She brought me the program from his service and I cried when I read it and lit a candle for him at church. Matt and I lost two babies through miscarriage before having Leah, and while not as devastating I'm sure, it was very painful for us and now I get so upset to hear of others losing a child. It just doesn't seem fair sometimes. But I like to think that some babies are just too perfect for this world and I believe you have a little angel waiting for you in Heaven now. You are a good mom to both Katelyn and Andrew and he will be missed.
    Much love to you and your family,
    Jenn (Andrews) Klein

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  5. Hi Kerry,
    Somehow I got to this blog..
    I'm Brandy's sister Robyn. I used to know your family and you long ago, we lived a few houses away from yours. I'm so very sorry that you lost your son Andrew. It can be great therapy to write it all out so I'm glad you and Brandy both have blogs to write about the sadness of losing both your babies..:(

    Its so great to see your pictures and I think its a wonderful thing to have your entire family in these pics. Your mom and dad still look the same as I remember them, I know they have a few other grandchildren and I bet they're great as grandparents!
    :)
    Take care hon.

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