July

Some days I'm sad because I'm trying to learn how to keep Andrew a part of our lives.  I focus on how to include him and how to be his mother with him in Heaven and me here. 

And other days, like today, I am sad because I think about those first few days in July.  I look at pictures from the hospital and remember so many of the emotions.  I think I was mainly numb.  Shocked.  Still trying to process everything going on.  I look at the pictures from my dads camera.  They aren't the edited ones from NILMDTS that are so beautiful and soft.  They more like the raw, unedited version of a film.  But they're good for me to look at, to remember what it was really like.