Tuesday, November 3, 2009

I went to Church!

I went to mass last night. I really couldn't decide what to do, my faith has been challenged and I didn't know what this "Mass for all Souls" would be all about. My granddad Becker passed away this past year also, so my dad and grandmother were already planning on going to St Marks. I was out with Adam and right around 7:30 decided that I should really go. Mass started at 7:30, so I got there right in time for the end of the homily. I used the ‘better late than never’ card.

I am really glad I went. The mass was beautiful. I snuck in and sat next to my Grandmother, who was probably wondering why I was showing up for mass half way through. After the homily was the most beautiful part of the night. St Marks had set candles up at the front of the alter. Two readers then read off the names of each parishioner who passed away within the past year. As each name was read, a candle was lit. Both names, Clarence Becker and Andrew Becker Lederman were read. I am so glad something pulled at my heart and got me to go. The most emotional part was at the end, when all of the candles were lit and the choir sang “On Eagles Wings” and some other song that I can’t remember right now but was really beautiful.  Afterwards the families were able to take a candle. My dad and I went up and he got one for his father and I got one for my son. I was then able to go right out back and leave the candle at Andrews’ special place.

I felt a sense of piece and comfort. It was the first time that I feel like I took a step in the right direction. A step towards renewing my faith, my faith that I have thought about more in the past 4 months than any other time in my life. This is a very emotionally draining journey…


  1. I'm happy to hear that you ultimately decided to go and that the Mass brought you some comfort. I wish I had been there. XOXO

  2. sounds perfect...
    tears in my eyes perfect.

  3. ditto to the tears in my eyes....you'll figure it out at "your own pace." You are a very talented writer!

  4. I have been "enjoying" (that doesn't seem like the write word at all, maybe it should be "following") your blog. I found this post very inspirational!

  5. Kathy Moore said
    Your little Angel Andrew brought you to the Mass. I cried when I read this - knowing that God and your Faith would comfort you. Hopefully your Faith will make your journey a little easier. You are such a strong woman Kerry!!

  6. Just wanted to drop a note to you and let you know that I too suffered a stillbirth, but in the year 1989. My first baby...my first son. They never found out why we lost our sweetheart. I can tell you that time does make it a lot easier, but the piece of your broken heart is always missing. It is so hard to explain but I hope you find peace in knowing that it will get easier for you. I went on to have a beautiful son (19 years old), a beautiful daughter (15 years old) and a surprise from God, a son (5 years old). Now tell me that God didnt try to help mend my heart by sending this little boy at my ripe old age of 42. I know why he is here. As a side note, I found out I was pregnant with him at 14 weeks (had no clue) at Fairfax Hospital. I am a native Northern Virginian. I wish you only the best with lifes little surprises. God Bless you and your family.


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