I wonder if people would think of my situation differently if Andrew had lived or a minute, an hour, or a day. Where is that line that makes a different…between losing your baby before birth or shortly after birth? To me, it doesn’t exist. To others, I’m sure it does and I’m curious where. I was reading about a mother whose son lived for 3 minutes. That included a heartbeat and breathing. Yet her son is considered a stillborn by her State. In other words, her son was not issued a birth certificate. I suppose if your child lives for a few minutes, then you don’t experience the scary silence in the room and go through the experience…of which there are no words to describe…of delivering your baby who has already passed away. The limp body, the mouth open, the red lips, and more than anything, the silence. But if your baby does live, you may experience such an extreme opposite. Franticness, nurses, Drs, machines, wires. Such different arrivals, yet in the end, we all go home without our babies. When I read blogs written by other mothers, I realize the emotional journey is so similar. Yet I wonder if people on the outside look at the situations very differently.
Just some random thoughts.
hello my dear, I got the link to your site from Safe Haven. Your babies are beautiful. NILMDTS is such a great organization.
ReplyDeleteI haven't been in your position before but I have friends that have and have read a lot of blogs--mostly from moms whose babies had Trisomy 18.
What I have learned that has really changed me is to enjoy your babies for every moment you know of their existence. When I had my first, I told people right away because I was so excited. I had no thoughts about miscarriage or birth defects or infection. Looking back, I felt a little naive. When I had my second, I didn't tell anyone outside of immediate family until I was almost 4 months because I was so scared... And when I started spotting at 15 weeks, I was of course worried but also torn because I couldn't really talk about it. Thankfully, the pregnancy continued but still...if I am ever blessed with another child, I will not wait because whether or not something "happens," my baby happened. It affected me. If I want to talk about it, I don't want to feel like I can't because I didn't tell anyone about it in the first place.
I don't think there's a timeline for when you're supposed to feel better. I would enjoy the good days and try to make it through the bad ones while telling yourself it will get better. It has to.
Lots of hugs**
I frequently wonder the same thing about my daughter. It's odd to see the way some people draw the line, and the rationalizations that come from where they draw the line.
ReplyDeleteI do not think there is a line...Andrew lived...he was alive inside you, he had a heartbeat, he kicked you, he tossed, he turned, he had hiccups...and he has an amazing family that will love him forever.
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